It reads 'Good afternoon DM, I'm a banker in Lagos and have been married for 2 years. The trouble is my wife never seems interested in sex. I'm a Christian and do not want to cheat on her. We have sex about once a month and even then it is passionless and mechanical. I'm loosing my mind.
We have one child and that's the only reason I have not asked for a divorce. We have spoken about it,had counselling sessions, I have even prayed and fasted. I have even questioned God whether the concept of platonic relationships before marriages make any sense. I just thought to write because I'm really confused.'
Well I'm no expert in the subject so I'll put it out there, what's your advice? Pls no demeaning remarks
Take time out with her on a vacation with plans for counselling while at it. Shut out everyone and everything else for that time frame and really work out the underlying issues. Women have sexual inhibitions due to animosity developed over time by underlying issues otherwise you need to find out if she has become homosexual. You need to unearth issues, deal with them while praying fervently about the situation; psychological counselling and spiritual warfare are key to breaking down walls in relationships. Then you must be ready to effect some changes based on the outcomes to sustain the restoration, if you switch back to old habits, the problem will resurface. All the best.
ReplyDeleteAbeg, she is cheating on him, let's not start any spiritual wantin tin
ReplyDeleteKemi, why will you talk like that? dont you fear God? but sha you might be right, she might have only married him for money, poor guy and to think some of us are lookin for husband!
ReplyDeleteLadies if you are looking for husband I am available ha ha! but seriously I feel for the guy and it raises the question about sex before marraige, she probably just has a low sex drive, I have met women like that (dont judge me) God will see him through. But aall this emotions is tied to sex in women is crap, best sex should be even when you are angry!
ReplyDeleteMen this guy just said my story oooooo!
ReplyDeletewow. this is a serious matter because it is about to cause a disolution of marriage. One thing I didnt get from the post is whether the wife is also a believer? I think thats crucial. if the husband is praying and fasting but the wife is at spiritual odds with his efforts there is a big problem. I subscribe to the comments by @olori_fash and I certainly defer to the women responding for their knowledge of how sex operates with women. Sex is by God's design and I think we forget that God is interested in a healthy sex life between married couples, He can restore attraction and desire where it has been lost just as He can remove sin from a guilty soul.but I beleive that a lot of effort should be applied to letting the lady lead you to the underlying reason. sex before marriage does not avoid this scenario by the way, people who sleep together before marriage can still have sex related problems after marriage (when the changes begin) so lets not make this case a basis to "test-drive every fiance".
ReplyDeleteLet me first start by saying, I AM A HUSBAND TOO and I understand what he is going through but, the story or complaint is incomplete?
ReplyDeleteDid he ask her what the problem is? What was her excuse? Did she complain of any issues? Has he been doing his job well as a husband (communication, compliments, caring etc). Has he ever disappointed her by breach of trust?
Some women get turned off when this is lacking in a marriage. One cannot judge or offer any advise until all this is clear or have an insight to the woman's side of the story.
But Mr Anonymous is it right for a Christian woman (assuming she is) to deprive her husband because she is angry? If her husband now decides to go outside there will be story...it takes two to tango
ReplyDeleteThe question is not if it is right sir but reasons for the lack of interest. Can a man treat his wife badly and still expect her to be 'lively' during intercourse or be overjoyed at the very mention or sight of sex?
DeleteWomen are not prostitutes who can fake excitement all because they want your money. The woman (even men too) need to feel a connection with her husband during sex. If she is emotionally bruised, whatever she does is not of her real self (acceptance or denial of sex).
was she abused, does she have low sex drive, does she hat her body, does she just have inhibitions? what did they arrive at the counselling sessions? there are so many questions that require answers. Talk to her parents (that may sound odd, her dad , he will at least see it from a man's point of view) there was a question about her Christianity. The bible clearly states the only reason for deprivation will be if there is an agreement. if you have tried all you can and no show, God needs to speak so you will know the way forward. all the best!
ReplyDeleteYou guys need to understand that we women have a lot on our plates. Its not easy to constantly go to work, look after the kids and still find the time /energy to have sex with your husband. I must admit that there could also be other reasons for this issue -lack of sex drive or perhaps her husband just doesn't turn her on anymore / just a drag between the sheets. Whatever the case might be, the two of them need to sit down, talk and resolve the underlying issues for the sake of their marriage and child.
ReplyDelete